1 00:00:03,360 --> 00:00:05,120 [ Trilling shout] 2 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:08,500 Yep. This is where I live. 3 00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:10,640 Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi! 4 00:00:10,670 --> 00:00:11,500 Hey. 5 00:00:11,530 --> 00:00:12,840 Sabrina. You're home. 6 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,400 Just in time for our cinco De mayocelebration. 7 00:00:15,430 --> 00:00:17,980 Cinco De Mayo? It was just El new year's. 8 00:00:18,020 --> 00:00:20,220 We know, but while the rest of new england 9 00:00:20,260 --> 00:00:21,810 is complaining about the weather 10 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:23,050 we are turning up the heat 11 00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:26,260 with a little "south of the border" fiesta. 12 00:00:26,290 --> 00:00:27,460 Crispy flauta? 13 00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:29,050 No. Gracias. 14 00:00:29,080 --> 00:00:30,220 You guys are weird. 15 00:00:30,260 --> 00:00:32,220 Well, excuse us for having fun. 16 00:00:32,260 --> 00:00:34,050 We were going to ask you to join us... 17 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:35,020 But if you're uptight... 18 00:00:35,050 --> 00:00:37,050 Don't say that. There's nothing worse 19 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:38,840 than when your parents call you "uptight." 20 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:41,530 Come on, loosen up. 21 00:00:41,570 --> 00:00:42,570 You know you want to wear 22 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,330 a sombrero. 23 00:00:45,360 --> 00:00:47,710 Now try an "ole." 24 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:50,330 Ole. 25 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:51,770 Hey, that was sort of fun. 26 00:00:51,810 --> 00:00:53,430 All right, I'm in. 27 00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:54,640 Where's the salsa? 28 00:00:54,670 --> 00:00:56,740 Over here, but it's kind of spicy. 29 00:00:56,770 --> 00:00:58,600 I think I can handle it, cat. 30 00:01:00,190 --> 00:01:01,220 [ Screaming] 31 00:01:01,260 --> 00:01:03,770 Hot, hot, hot, hot! 32 00:01:03,810 --> 00:01:05,530 Feels warmer in here already. 33 00:01:23,710 --> 00:01:27,020 We'll be back in... mintues 34 00:01:29,050 --> 00:01:34,150 so, "r" = 7 11 over 2, or... 9. 35 00:01:34,190 --> 00:01:35,500 [ Teacher sneezes] 36 00:01:35,530 --> 00:01:40,460 And "r" = 7 - 11 over 2, or -2. 37 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:41,640 [ Sneezes] 38 00:01:41,670 --> 00:01:42,530 That's it. 39 00:01:42,570 --> 00:01:44,500 I've reached my chalk limit for the day. 40 00:01:46,950 --> 00:01:47,840 What is it, Sabrina? 41 00:01:47,880 --> 00:01:48,770 I have a question. 42 00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:49,670 I know that. 43 00:01:49,710 --> 00:01:51,670 That's why I said "what is it, Sabrina?" 44 00:01:51,710 --> 00:01:53,460 Well, in that problem, the roots 45 00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:54,510 turn out to be round numbers. 46 00:01:54,530 --> 00:01:56,670 But what if the roots turn out to be irrational? 47 00:01:56,710 --> 00:01:59,740 Irrational? You mean, like teenage girls? 48 00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:00,640 Just express 49 00:02:00,670 --> 00:02:02,740 those roots in radical form. 50 00:02:02,770 --> 00:02:04,400 You mean, as a fraction? 51 00:02:04,430 --> 00:02:05,810 Didn't you read the textbook? 52 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,100 Yeah, but it's kind of confusing. 53 00:02:07,120 --> 00:02:09,770 Well, let's find out who's confused and who isn't 54 00:02:09,810 --> 00:02:11,640 by having a little test tomorrow. 55 00:02:11,670 --> 00:02:13,430 [ All groaning] 56 00:02:13,460 --> 00:02:15,600 And you can all thank Sabrina for it. 57 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:18,810 I was just trying to learn. 58 00:02:21,770 --> 00:02:22,290 Hello. 59 00:02:22,330 --> 00:02:23,120 Is Salem there? 60 00:02:23,150 --> 00:02:23,880 Speaking. 61 00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:24,880 It's shelley. 62 00:02:24,910 --> 00:02:26,020 Shelley?! 63 00:02:26,050 --> 00:02:27,670 Zelda, you'll never guess who called. 64 00:02:27,710 --> 00:02:29,430 I'll give you a hint: Shelley. 65 00:02:29,460 --> 00:02:31,600 Shelley? Your ex-girlfriend? 66 00:02:31,640 --> 00:02:32,570 The one who left you? 67 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:33,670 She didn't leave me. 68 00:02:33,710 --> 00:02:34,840 She just needed some time 69 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:35,880 by herself. 70 00:02:35,910 --> 00:02:37,050 Two decades? 71 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:39,190 Three, but... I repeat, but... 72 00:02:39,220 --> 00:02:40,120 From the sound of her voice 73 00:02:40,150 --> 00:02:42,530 I'd say she has crawling back on her mind. 74 00:02:42,570 --> 00:02:46,640 I see. Did you happen to mention that you're a cat now? 75 00:02:46,670 --> 00:02:48,050 Is it that noticeable? 76 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:50,600 Oh, not again. 77 00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:53,290 Hilda! Stop that! 78 00:02:53,330 --> 00:02:54,950 It wasn't me. 79 00:02:57,740 --> 00:02:58,670 Sabrina? 80 00:02:58,710 --> 00:02:59,770 What's wrong? 81 00:02:59,810 --> 00:03:01,980 Mr. Rothwell is giving us a huge math test tomorrow. 82 00:03:02,020 --> 00:03:05,290 So now I have to go memorize formulas, like "x" = why me? 83 00:03:06,460 --> 00:03:08,600 You watch that finger, young lady. 84 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:15,020 -B or - the square root of "b" squared - 4ac over 2A. 85 00:03:15,050 --> 00:03:19,260 ♪ Shake your whammy Fanny, funky song, funky song ♪ 86 00:03:19,290 --> 00:03:20,260 ♪ shake your wham... 87 00:03:20,290 --> 00:03:21,670 Harvey! 88 00:03:21,710 --> 00:03:22,910 What? 89 00:03:22,950 --> 00:03:24,820 You're singing the "funky song". Now, it's going to be stuck 90 00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:26,100 in my head during the whole test. 91 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,460 Sorry. I didn't even know I was doing it. 92 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:30,530 Well, I'm really nervous, so please don't sing. 93 00:03:30,570 --> 00:03:32,050 Okay. 94 00:03:32,080 --> 00:03:34,020 -B or - 95 00:03:34,050 --> 00:03:35,980 the square root of "b"... 96 00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:37,570 I hearyou thinking it. 97 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:38,600 I can't thinkit? 98 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,330 Not while I'm studying. 99 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:41,710 Can I at least finish this verse? 100 00:03:41,740 --> 00:03:43,050 Yeah, but hurry. 101 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:47,710 [ No audio] 102 00:03:47,740 --> 00:03:49,740 Okay. Done. Good. 103 00:03:49,770 --> 00:03:50,500 [ Sighs] 104 00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:53,120 -B or - the square root of... 105 00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:54,360 I hate rothwell. 106 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,740 Look, Sabrina, you know this stuff. 107 00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:57,810 You know you know it. 108 00:03:57,840 --> 00:03:59,260 You just have to relax. 109 00:03:59,290 --> 00:04:00,570 I can't. Do you see this? 110 00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:02,980 This is me freaking out. 111 00:04:03,020 --> 00:04:05,120 Okay, now please, can I just study? 112 00:04:05,150 --> 00:04:07,460 I promise I won't make a noise. 113 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:15,910 You can turn the page. 114 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:19,810 Gordie, hurry. 115 00:04:19,840 --> 00:04:22,220 Wait. How do I find the slope of a line? 116 00:04:22,260 --> 00:04:24,400 Oh, that's easy. You just... 117 00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:25,500 I lost it. 118 00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:26,400 The slope slipped! 119 00:04:26,430 --> 00:04:28,050 If only we had more time. 120 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:33,910 Much better. 121 00:04:37,910 --> 00:04:41,050 M = ...Dah, da-da, da-da, da-da... 122 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,080 I knew that. 123 00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:48,360 ♪ Shake your whammy Fanny 124 00:04:50,570 --> 00:04:54,050 okay, it's "m" = "y" sub 2 - "y" sub 1 125 00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:55,980 over "x" sub 2 - "x" sub 1. 126 00:04:56,020 --> 00:04:56,950 You saved my life. 127 00:04:56,980 --> 00:04:58,260 Thank me later. Right now, move! 128 00:04:58,290 --> 00:04:59,600 Move, move, move! 129 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:04,600 Five... four... Three... two... 130 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:05,740 "F"! 131 00:05:05,770 --> 00:05:06,810 Poor Emma. 132 00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:07,850 I think she stopped to help 133 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:09,600 that girl in the wheelchair. 134 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,640 [ Speaking in falsetto]: Too late. Bye-bye. 135 00:05:13,050 --> 00:05:13,500 All right 136 00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:15,050 let's get started. 137 00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:17,260 The test consists of fifteen questions 138 00:05:17,290 --> 00:05:19,600 for a possible 100 points. 139 00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:21,050 The first five are worth nine points 140 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:22,220 next five eight points. 141 00:05:22,260 --> 00:05:24,400 The last five are three-pointers. 142 00:05:24,430 --> 00:05:25,430 You may begin. 143 00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:32,740 What was that? 144 00:05:32,770 --> 00:05:34,260 I dropped my pencil. 145 00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:35,790 Oh, please. I know what's going on here. 146 00:05:35,810 --> 00:05:37,790 You're leaning over to look at your neighbor's test. 147 00:05:37,810 --> 00:05:38,670 No, I... 148 00:05:38,710 --> 00:05:40,460 That's it, come sit at my desk. 149 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:42,330 You'll take the test there. 150 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:44,810 Then I won't have to worry about you cheating. 151 00:05:44,840 --> 00:05:46,980 But I've never cheated on a test in my life. 152 00:05:47,020 --> 00:05:48,710 Then there should be no problem. 153 00:05:51,670 --> 00:05:55,710 Ok get to work... - B or -... 154 00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:57,770 [ Harvey's voice]: ♪ funky song, funky song... ♪ 155 00:05:57,810 --> 00:06:01,190 Harvey! Why did I study with Harvey? 156 00:06:01,220 --> 00:06:03,150 Because he's cute. 157 00:06:03,190 --> 00:06:04,950 I wonder if we'll get married. 158 00:06:04,980 --> 00:06:07,050 No, no, pay attention. 159 00:06:07,080 --> 00:06:09,260 -B or -... 160 00:06:09,290 --> 00:06:11,740 I hate rothwell, I hate rothwell. 161 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,120 Oh, no. 162 00:06:14,150 --> 00:06:15,670 Can he hear me think? 163 00:06:15,710 --> 00:06:17,430 I've got to relax. 164 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,600 Can't tense up. 165 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,400 [ Loud scratching] 166 00:06:23,260 --> 00:06:26,150 Why is everyone writing so loud? 167 00:06:26,190 --> 00:06:28,050 Why did Napoleon want to rule by himself? 168 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,400 No, math. Stick to math. 169 00:06:34,190 --> 00:06:35,360 You know this stuff. 170 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,080 You can do this. 171 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,460 -B... 172 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:40,570 What? 173 00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:41,570 Pencils down. 174 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:42,740 Time's up. 175 00:06:44,840 --> 00:06:46,460 "Then add one macadamia nut 176 00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:49,020 and he will have an expanding butt." 177 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,530 Hilda: What's going on?! 178 00:06:51,570 --> 00:06:53,430 I heard an explosion. 179 00:06:53,460 --> 00:06:55,710 Oh. You're just making soup. 180 00:06:55,740 --> 00:06:58,430 No, I'm stirring up a little revenge for Mr. Rothwell. 181 00:06:58,460 --> 00:06:59,600 What happened? 182 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:00,770 It was so humiliating. 183 00:07:00,810 --> 00:07:02,850 He made me take the test in front of the whole class. 184 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,640 Like some sort of zoo monkey? 185 00:07:04,670 --> 00:07:06,910 Yeah. Koko hate teacher man. 186 00:07:06,950 --> 00:07:08,220 Anyway, I know I flunked 187 00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:10,050 so I'm giving him an expanding butt 188 00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:12,260 until I can find the perfect revenge spell. 189 00:07:12,290 --> 00:07:14,770 Well, you know, nothing says "payback" 190 00:07:14,810 --> 00:07:17,220 like "just desserts." 191 00:07:17,260 --> 00:07:19,840 "It's the spell that guarantees he'll get what's coming to him." 192 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,020 But it's only to be used as a last resort. 193 00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:24,570 You might want to try to deal with him the mortal way first. 194 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:25,770 You mean, t.P. His house? 195 00:07:25,810 --> 00:07:27,880 No, talk to him. 196 00:07:27,910 --> 00:07:29,020 I don't want to. 197 00:07:29,050 --> 00:07:30,980 You talk to him. 198 00:07:31,020 --> 00:07:32,220 Mr. Rothwell? 199 00:07:32,260 --> 00:07:33,120 Yes. 200 00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:36,430 Hi. I'm hilda spellman, Sabrina's aunt. 201 00:07:36,460 --> 00:07:37,360 I wanted to talk to you 202 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:38,880 about the test that she took today. 203 00:07:38,910 --> 00:07:41,220 Excellent timing. I just finished correcting them. 204 00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:42,050 I'll find hers. 205 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:43,710 Oh thanks, see she's upset. 206 00:07:43,740 --> 00:07:45,120 Because she thinks she failed. 207 00:07:45,150 --> 00:07:47,440 I know she didn't because she's very bright and she studied so hard. 208 00:07:47,460 --> 00:07:48,570 She got an "f." 209 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,950 That's impossible. 210 00:07:50,980 --> 00:07:52,270 Are you sure you added it up right? 211 00:07:52,290 --> 00:07:53,810 Ms. Spellman, I'm a math teacher 212 00:07:53,840 --> 00:07:56,670 but feel free to double check. 213 00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,220 There were 15 questions 214 00:07:58,260 --> 00:07:59,810 the first five were worth 40 points 215 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:01,710 the next five were worth 45. 216 00:08:01,740 --> 00:08:03,840 The last five were worth 15. 217 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,220 Sabrina got two of the biggies 218 00:08:05,260 --> 00:08:07,570 three of the middies and one of the babies, for grand total 219 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:09,330 of 45 points of what percent of a hundred? 220 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,260 Oh, I, uh... 15 questions 221 00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:13,050 100 points... Carry the two... 222 00:08:13,080 --> 00:08:14,260 I have no idea! 223 00:08:14,290 --> 00:08:15,190 Forty-five percent! 224 00:08:15,220 --> 00:08:16,770 Geez, no wonder she failed. 225 00:08:16,810 --> 00:08:20,500 But I didn't have a chance to study for this meeting. 226 00:08:20,530 --> 00:08:23,500 More lizard's leg, and don't skimp on the howlet's wing. 227 00:08:23,530 --> 00:08:26,910 Let's put in this jar of cocktail onions that's been in the fridge forever. 228 00:08:26,950 --> 00:08:27,770 Yeah! 229 00:08:27,810 --> 00:08:29,020 What smells so sweet? 230 00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,460 Revenge. 231 00:08:30,500 --> 00:08:32,880 It's time to teach Mr. Rothwell a lesson. 232 00:08:32,910 --> 00:08:34,530 With a number two cauldron? 233 00:08:34,570 --> 00:08:35,810 It can't be that serious. 234 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:37,570 It is. Keep stirring. 235 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:38,260 Wait. There's been 236 00:08:38,290 --> 00:08:39,640 a breakdown in communication. 237 00:08:39,670 --> 00:08:41,460 I will go talk to him 238 00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:43,430 as physicist to algebra teacher 239 00:08:43,460 --> 00:08:46,290 and we will work this out logically. 240 00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:49,460 And no one seeks vengeance until I get back. 241 00:08:51,570 --> 00:08:53,300 Can we at least make his butt a little bigger? 242 00:08:53,330 --> 00:08:56,640 As big as you want it to be! 243 00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,600 I wanted to discuss this rationally 244 00:08:58,640 --> 00:08:59,910 but you're making it hard. 245 00:08:59,950 --> 00:09:02,120 Hey, she failed the test. 246 00:09:02,150 --> 00:09:03,470 What do you want me to do about it? 247 00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:05,500 But the circumstances were unfair. 248 00:09:05,530 --> 00:09:07,950 Look, if it makes you feel better, you can blame this on me 249 00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:10,570 but I think we both know these problems start at home. 250 00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:11,770 What problems? 251 00:09:11,810 --> 00:09:14,120 Hey, if a kid can't master the quadratic equation 252 00:09:14,150 --> 00:09:17,500 that says to me dysfunctional family. 253 00:09:17,530 --> 00:09:19,880 We function just fine. 254 00:09:19,910 --> 00:09:21,670 Tell it to a social worker. 255 00:09:21,710 --> 00:09:23,770 Now, if you'll excuse me 256 00:09:23,810 --> 00:09:25,640 I haveto get to the gym. 257 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,640 This is so great. 258 00:09:31,670 --> 00:09:33,260 Thank you so much for backing me up. 259 00:09:33,290 --> 00:09:36,050 Well, you were 100% right about this guy. 260 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:37,530 Please, no percentages. 261 00:09:37,570 --> 00:09:39,080 Is it revenge yet? 262 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,050 Mm, it's really spiteful. 263 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,570 Let's finish the spell. 264 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:44,600 Hilda, you do the honors. 265 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,640 Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting 266 00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:50,600 lizard's leg and howlet's wing 267 00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:53,220 for a charm of powerful trouble 268 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,910 fire burn and cauldron bubble. 269 00:09:55,950 --> 00:09:57,220 Take it away, Sabrina. 270 00:09:57,260 --> 00:09:59,910 Fair is foul and foul is fair 271 00:09:59,950 --> 00:10:02,600 hover through fog and filthy air. 272 00:10:04,910 --> 00:10:05,740 Now what? 273 00:10:05,770 --> 00:10:08,020 Wait and see. 274 00:10:08,050 --> 00:10:09,880 [ Cackling] 275 00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:12,460 You cackled. 276 00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:14,430 This is going to be so cool. 277 00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:20,050 Weird. Rothwell is never late. 278 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:22,120 Maybe he called in sick 279 00:10:22,150 --> 00:10:23,640 or maybe he had car trouble. 280 00:10:23,670 --> 00:10:25,880 Or maybe the earth yawned and swallowed him up. 281 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:29,430 It could happen. 282 00:10:29,460 --> 00:10:32,260 Oh, toothpicks. 283 00:10:32,290 --> 00:10:34,840 I am late for the first time in my life 284 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:37,670 because I've been the victim of a great injustice. 285 00:10:37,710 --> 00:10:38,570 Yes! 286 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:39,910 I got a speeding ticket. 287 00:10:39,950 --> 00:10:42,400 Speeding ticket? 288 00:10:42,430 --> 00:10:44,120 Three witches and a number ten cauldron 289 00:10:44,150 --> 00:10:46,330 and the best we could do was a stupid speeding ticket? 290 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,190 Maybe the lizard's leg wasn't fresh. 291 00:10:48,220 --> 00:10:49,460 I thought it smelled funny. 292 00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:50,570 Great. 293 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,440 Rothwell will just go to court and weasel out of it. 294 00:10:52,460 --> 00:10:54,330 Court? The spell is working. 295 00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,120 He'll find his just desserts there. 296 00:10:56,150 --> 00:10:57,600 Let's go early and get good seats. 297 00:10:57,640 --> 00:10:58,600 And don't worry. 298 00:10:58,640 --> 00:11:00,150 Justice will be served. 299 00:11:00,190 --> 00:11:00,880 Oh, yeah? 300 00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,020 Then how come his butt deflated? 301 00:11:03,050 --> 00:11:03,600 What do you think? 302 00:11:03,640 --> 00:11:04,840 Red lamborghini. 303 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,150 This has to impress my ex-girlfriend, shelley. 304 00:11:07,190 --> 00:11:08,600 Sure. Now all you have to do 305 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:10,500 is lose the paws, whiskers and fur. 306 00:11:10,530 --> 00:11:11,740 Hey, so what if I'm a cat? 307 00:11:11,770 --> 00:11:13,880 This car says I got it going on! 308 00:11:13,910 --> 00:11:16,840 [ Laughs] 309 00:11:16,880 --> 00:11:17,500 Man: It's a travesty 310 00:11:17,530 --> 00:11:18,500 of justice, sir. 311 00:11:18,530 --> 00:11:19,840 I mean, I know red. 312 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:21,910 Red is the color of rage 313 00:11:21,950 --> 00:11:23,710 and that light was not red. 314 00:11:23,740 --> 00:11:24,670 It was yellow... 315 00:11:24,710 --> 00:11:26,910 Yellow as the sunshine. 316 00:11:26,950 --> 00:11:28,840 Well, in light of your flowery prose 317 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,050 and the fact that the arresting officer didn't show 318 00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:33,190 I'll cut your fine in half. 319 00:11:33,220 --> 00:11:34,150 Half?! 320 00:11:34,190 --> 00:11:37,150 Sir, half an injustice is still an injustice. 321 00:11:37,190 --> 00:11:38,120 Case closed. 322 00:11:38,150 --> 00:11:41,880 This court is in recess. 323 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:42,950 Wait. Come back here. 324 00:11:42,980 --> 00:11:43,740 I want that judge. 325 00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:44,810 He was easy. 326 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:46,430 Mr. Rothwell? 327 00:11:46,460 --> 00:11:47,360 Do I know you? 328 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:49,120 Well of course, you wouldn't recognize me. 329 00:11:49,150 --> 00:11:51,290 Not without tears streaming down my face 330 00:11:51,330 --> 00:11:53,570 like a harsh, unforgiving rain. 331 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,980 I'm Clifford Weaver... Your former algebra student. 332 00:11:56,020 --> 00:11:57,220 Wait. You're a novelist now. 333 00:11:57,260 --> 00:11:58,580 You wrote rage against the system. 334 00:11:58,600 --> 00:11:59,150 I loved that book. 335 00:11:59,190 --> 00:12:00,840 It was full of hate. 336 00:12:03,330 --> 00:12:04,810 There's Mr. Rothwell. 337 00:12:06,710 --> 00:12:09,880 Ooh, I think that's for us. 338 00:12:09,910 --> 00:12:11,500 Either that's part of the spell 339 00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:12,710 or the bailiff keeps steaks. 340 00:12:12,740 --> 00:12:14,500 I bet that's our judge. 341 00:12:14,530 --> 00:12:15,740 In the refrigerator? 342 00:12:15,770 --> 00:12:18,290 Yes. Witch judges take turns in the deep freeze 343 00:12:18,330 --> 00:12:19,740 to prevent media bias. 344 00:12:19,770 --> 00:12:21,050 For example 345 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,670 judge Samuels has been in here since 1956. 346 00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:26,290 Wow. A man untouched by CNN. 347 00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:30,980 Now, that's a good night's sleep. 348 00:12:31,020 --> 00:12:32,190 Hi, judge Samuels. 349 00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:33,950 Here's the deal. 350 00:12:33,980 --> 00:12:34,950 We are... 351 00:12:34,980 --> 00:12:36,710 Shh! Not a word. 352 00:12:36,740 --> 00:12:39,150 I must stay pure for the law. 353 00:12:39,190 --> 00:12:41,910 Just a cup of cocoa, and I'm in business. 354 00:12:50,150 --> 00:12:50,710 Guilty! 355 00:12:50,740 --> 00:12:51,600 Order! 356 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,260 One more outburst like that, and I'll... 357 00:12:54,290 --> 00:12:55,670 All right. 358 00:12:55,710 --> 00:12:57,360 I'm ready. 359 00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,770 Court is in session. 360 00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:02,430 Jeremy rothwell 361 00:13:02,460 --> 00:13:03,460 you are charged 362 00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:05,910 with violating vehicular code section 16-4: 363 00:13:05,950 --> 00:13:07,400 Driving at an unsafe speed. 364 00:13:07,430 --> 00:13:08,400 How do you plead? 365 00:13:08,430 --> 00:13:09,290 Not guilty. 366 00:13:09,330 --> 00:13:10,330 You're also charged 367 00:13:10,360 --> 00:13:12,770 with violation of the existential code 368 00:13:12,810 --> 00:13:14,360 section 63-b: 369 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:15,400 Multiple counts 370 00:13:15,430 --> 00:13:16,600 of being mean and unfair. 371 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:17,710 How do you plead? 372 00:13:17,740 --> 00:13:18,570 What is this? 373 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:20,710 I never heard of an existential code. 374 00:13:20,740 --> 00:13:22,950 You have to read the fine print. 375 00:13:22,980 --> 00:13:25,190 How do you plead? 376 00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:25,880 Not guilty. 377 00:13:25,910 --> 00:13:27,050 Ha! 378 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:27,670 Plea entered. 379 00:13:27,710 --> 00:13:29,220 Strike the "ha." 380 00:13:29,260 --> 00:13:31,050 Prosecution may present its case. 381 00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:32,290 Are the people present? 382 00:13:32,330 --> 00:13:33,150 We're the people. 383 00:13:33,190 --> 00:13:34,400 We are? Cool. 384 00:13:34,430 --> 00:13:35,880 Sabrina, what are you doing here? 385 00:13:35,910 --> 00:13:38,710 Didn't you hear? We're the people. 386 00:13:38,740 --> 00:13:39,500 Proceed. 387 00:13:39,530 --> 00:13:41,330 Thank you, your honor. 388 00:13:41,360 --> 00:13:42,670 The people would like to call 389 00:13:42,710 --> 00:13:44,400 as their first witness... 390 00:13:47,500 --> 00:13:49,290 Clifford Weaver. 391 00:13:49,330 --> 00:13:50,430 [ People gasping] 392 00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:53,500 [ Gargling] 393 00:13:55,050 --> 00:13:59,050 Mmm. Minty fresh for milady. 394 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:03,880 I'd be more nervous if I weren't so good-looking. 395 00:14:03,910 --> 00:14:05,980 And yes, he failed me. 396 00:14:06,020 --> 00:14:07,740 But, I mean, listen to those words. 397 00:14:07,770 --> 00:14:10,050 He... failed... me. 398 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:13,360 Throw the book at him, judge. 399 00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,570 Thank you, Clifford. 400 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:17,710 Your honor, I'd like to cross-examine this witness. 401 00:14:17,740 --> 00:14:19,950 Well then, proceed. 402 00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:21,260 Clifford... 403 00:14:21,290 --> 00:14:22,290 You wrote the book 404 00:14:22,330 --> 00:14:23,710 rage against the system, correct? 405 00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:24,710 Correct. 406 00:14:24,740 --> 00:14:26,300 And isn't it true that the New York times 407 00:14:26,330 --> 00:14:27,980 picked you as the best of the new breed 408 00:14:28,020 --> 00:14:29,530 of angry young writers? 409 00:14:29,570 --> 00:14:31,260 I resent that moniker, but yes. 410 00:14:31,290 --> 00:14:33,640 Well, what made you angry, Clifford? 411 00:14:33,670 --> 00:14:35,360 Was it your mother holding your hand? 412 00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:37,460 Was it the librarian patting your head? 413 00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:38,640 Or was it me?! 414 00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:40,080 I gave you that anger. 415 00:14:40,120 --> 00:14:41,430 I spoon-fed you that rage. 416 00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:42,540 I made you what you are today. 417 00:14:42,570 --> 00:14:44,330 You should thank me! 418 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:46,360 You never helped me. 419 00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:47,190 That's a lie! 420 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,460 No further questions. 421 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:52,120 I've never been so angry in my life. 422 00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:53,740 That's my second novel. 423 00:14:55,670 --> 00:14:58,260 Quick, call another witness. 424 00:14:58,290 --> 00:14:59,810 The people call... 425 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:03,770 The arresting officer. 426 00:15:03,810 --> 00:15:06,840 [ Gasping] 427 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:08,330 So, he was speeding? 428 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:09,330 Definitely. 429 00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:10,400 And was he mean? 430 00:15:10,430 --> 00:15:11,050 Mean? 431 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:12,050 Mean, disagreeable 432 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:13,740 unkind, knavish. Mean. 433 00:15:13,770 --> 00:15:16,150 Well, he threw his registration at me. 434 00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:17,770 Then he muttered under his breath 435 00:15:17,810 --> 00:15:18,670 "what a jerk" 436 00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:19,530 but I heard him. 437 00:15:19,570 --> 00:15:21,640 I have really good ears. 438 00:15:21,670 --> 00:15:24,330 And lovely eyes. 439 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:25,740 Thank you. 440 00:15:25,770 --> 00:15:27,670 No further questions. 441 00:15:29,360 --> 00:15:32,020 The people call our next witness. 442 00:15:34,260 --> 00:15:37,840 Sabrina spellman. 443 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,980 Normally, I don't like to say bad things about people 444 00:15:40,020 --> 00:15:43,020 but as I am under oath... 445 00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:44,640 Mr. Rothwell's completely unfair. 446 00:15:44,670 --> 00:15:46,330 He doesn't like kids, he doesn't like math 447 00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:49,050 he doesn't like teaching and he doesn't like chalk. 448 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:51,500 These are very serious charges. 449 00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:53,120 Have you any proof? 450 00:15:53,150 --> 00:15:54,880 I could call my friend gordie. 451 00:15:54,910 --> 00:15:56,400 Proof, proof, any proof? 452 00:15:56,430 --> 00:15:57,600 It doesn't exist. 453 00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:58,950 Mr. Rothwell's unfairness lies 454 00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:00,500 only in the hearts of those students 455 00:16:00,530 --> 00:16:02,810 whose love of math he has destroyed. 456 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:04,710 Including yours, Sabrina? 457 00:16:04,740 --> 00:16:06,670 It's too early to tell, but... 458 00:16:06,710 --> 00:16:07,330 There is a chance 459 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:08,910 that for the rest of my life 460 00:16:08,950 --> 00:16:10,400 I will fear math. 461 00:16:10,430 --> 00:16:11,080 I will sweat every time 462 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:12,570 I have to calculate a tip. 463 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:14,150 I will put off balancing my checkbook. 464 00:16:14,190 --> 00:16:14,980 I will play Blackjack, 465 00:16:15,020 --> 00:16:17,290 but I will not understand it. 466 00:16:17,330 --> 00:16:20,880 If you understood it, you wouldn't play it. 467 00:16:20,910 --> 00:16:21,770 Thank you. 468 00:16:21,810 --> 00:16:23,600 You may step down. 469 00:16:23,640 --> 00:16:26,460 Counselor, are there any other witnesses? 470 00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:28,880 The people rest. 471 00:16:28,910 --> 00:16:31,710 Would the defendant like to make a closing statement? 472 00:16:31,740 --> 00:16:33,980 Yes, I would. 473 00:16:34,020 --> 00:16:36,430 Your honor, I'm not a baby-sitter. 474 00:16:36,460 --> 00:16:39,050 I'm paid to teach math, and that is what I do. 475 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:42,290 Yes, I could be more sensitive, but let's face it. 476 00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:43,980 The world is full of people like me... 477 00:16:44,020 --> 00:16:47,120 People who choose favorites, people who don't accept excuses 478 00:16:47,150 --> 00:16:50,020 people who are unfair. 479 00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:51,120 Well, life is unfair 480 00:16:51,150 --> 00:16:54,810 and I'm just helping my students to get used to that. 481 00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,460 Mr. Rothwell, just one last question. 482 00:16:57,500 --> 00:16:59,080 Do you intend to teach high school 483 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:00,460 for the rest of your life? 484 00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:01,460 Are you kidding? 485 00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:02,790 I'm just doing this till I can start on 486 00:17:02,810 --> 00:17:04,810 my own software company. 487 00:17:04,840 --> 00:17:06,460 Oh. Thank you. 488 00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:09,020 Well, I shall return with my decision 489 00:17:09,050 --> 00:17:11,500 and a fresh cup of cocoa. 490 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:14,430 Salem: Flowers, soft lights... 491 00:17:14,460 --> 00:17:15,290 What's missing? 492 00:17:15,330 --> 00:17:18,220 Oops. Almost forgot. 493 00:17:20,360 --> 00:17:21,880 [ Soft music plays] 494 00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:24,400 Oh, yeah. 495 00:17:24,430 --> 00:17:25,950 I've reached my decision. 496 00:17:27,710 --> 00:17:30,330 With respect to the existential code violation 497 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:34,810 this court finds you not guilty due to insufficient evidence. 498 00:17:34,840 --> 00:17:35,670 With respect 499 00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:37,770 to the vehicular code violation 500 00:17:37,810 --> 00:17:40,220 the court finds you guilty as charged. 501 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,460 Aw, nuts. 502 00:17:41,500 --> 00:17:45,290 But we'll waive the usual $40 fine 503 00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:46,500 and instead 504 00:17:46,530 --> 00:17:48,570 sentence you to a lifetime 505 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,050 of teaching high school algebra. 506 00:17:51,080 --> 00:17:53,190 What?! That's not fair! 507 00:17:53,220 --> 00:17:54,530 Case closed. 508 00:17:54,570 --> 00:17:56,530 No! 509 00:17:56,570 --> 00:18:00,400 No...! 510 00:18:00,430 --> 00:18:01,840 No!! 511 00:18:03,740 --> 00:18:08,330 This trial shall be stricken from all mortal memory. 512 00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,880 Court is adjourned. 513 00:18:10,910 --> 00:18:11,910 Wait a second. 514 00:18:11,950 --> 00:18:14,360 How can being sentenced to teaching high school 515 00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:15,740 be sufficient punishment? 516 00:18:15,770 --> 00:18:17,190 Because it's the worst thing 517 00:18:17,220 --> 00:18:19,080 Mr. Rothwell can imagine. 518 00:18:19,120 --> 00:18:20,340 But now kids are going to be stuck with him 519 00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:21,810 year after year. 520 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:23,260 Well, whether he means to or not 521 00:18:23,290 --> 00:18:25,120 he teaches a valuable lesson. 522 00:18:25,150 --> 00:18:26,880 Some people are just jerks? 523 00:18:26,910 --> 00:18:29,120 Yes, but if you study hard 524 00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:30,410 and you don't let him get to you 525 00:18:30,430 --> 00:18:33,710 you'll pass algebra, and then you can forget it 526 00:18:33,740 --> 00:18:35,500 but he's trapped in math forever. 527 00:18:35,530 --> 00:18:37,360 So, he did get his just desserts. 528 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:38,360 Mm-hmm. 529 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,200 And now I think we should get frozen desserts. 530 00:18:46,260 --> 00:18:47,080 [ Doorbell rings] 531 00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,190 The door's open. 532 00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:52,360 Salem? 533 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:53,190 I don't believe it. 534 00:18:53,220 --> 00:18:54,640 You look even more stunning 535 00:18:54,670 --> 00:18:55,460 than the last time 536 00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:56,460 I saw you. 537 00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:59,120 It's so good to see you, too. 538 00:18:59,150 --> 00:19:00,640 No! Stay back! 539 00:19:00,670 --> 00:19:01,460 Why? 540 00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:02,740 You said you wanted to talk 541 00:19:02,770 --> 00:19:04,120 so let's talk. 542 00:19:04,150 --> 00:19:06,810 Youwant to talk? 543 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,430 You have changed. 544 00:19:08,460 --> 00:19:09,910 You could say that. 545 00:19:09,950 --> 00:19:11,260 Is that your cat? 546 00:19:11,290 --> 00:19:13,710 Huh? Uh, y-yes. 547 00:19:13,740 --> 00:19:16,670 They make incredible companions, you know. 548 00:19:16,710 --> 00:19:19,460 So, what's on your mind? 549 00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:22,080 Us. And how we broke up. 550 00:19:22,120 --> 00:19:24,570 See, at the time, I felt shut out. 551 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,050 You were so consumed with global conquest 552 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:28,640 and I resented taking a backseat 553 00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:30,290 to world domination. 554 00:19:30,330 --> 00:19:34,260 But here it is 30 years later, and... 555 00:19:34,290 --> 00:19:36,430 Now I realize that you were the best thing 556 00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:38,330 that ever happened to me. 557 00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:39,570 Go on. 558 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:42,050 I know it's kind of sudden, but... 559 00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:43,770 I think we should give it another try. 560 00:19:43,810 --> 00:19:44,770 I don't see why not. 561 00:19:44,810 --> 00:19:46,710 I care about you, you care about me... 562 00:19:46,740 --> 00:19:48,220 Enough words! 563 00:19:48,260 --> 00:19:50,020 Salem, hold me. 564 00:19:50,050 --> 00:19:51,220 Oh, shelley! 565 00:19:51,260 --> 00:19:52,710 Oh! Your cat! 566 00:19:52,740 --> 00:19:55,020 Get off me! 567 00:19:55,050 --> 00:19:55,740 Salem... 568 00:19:55,770 --> 00:19:57,360 Salem: I can explain. 569 00:19:59,710 --> 00:20:00,810 Salem... 570 00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:02,050 Is that you? 571 00:20:02,080 --> 00:20:02,740 Yes. 572 00:20:02,770 --> 00:20:04,600 You're a cat? 573 00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:05,640 Technically. 574 00:20:05,670 --> 00:20:08,050 Who's your friend? 575 00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:10,220 A mannequin?! 576 00:20:10,260 --> 00:20:12,840 How long were you expecting this to fool me? 577 00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:14,190 Another 30 seconds? 578 00:20:14,220 --> 00:20:15,770 Well, all right. Look 579 00:20:15,810 --> 00:20:16,740 I got caught 580 00:20:16,770 --> 00:20:19,810 and they sentenced me to 100 years as this. 581 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,080 This is not what I had in mind. 582 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,220 We can work it out. 583 00:20:23,260 --> 00:20:26,910 Sorry, cat, this is good-bye. 584 00:20:26,950 --> 00:20:28,460 I loved you. 585 00:20:28,500 --> 00:20:30,050 But I'm better now. 586 00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:31,050 I like to snuggle 587 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:32,150 I have great night vision 588 00:20:32,190 --> 00:20:35,430 and I'm super, super clean. 589 00:20:35,460 --> 00:20:38,670 It's so unfair. 590 00:20:38,710 --> 00:20:41,670 [ Sobbing] 591 00:20:41,710 --> 00:20:43,020 Which equals the square root 592 00:20:43,050 --> 00:20:45,190 of negative four or two "I." 593 00:20:45,220 --> 00:20:46,840 Got it. Perfect. 594 00:20:46,880 --> 00:20:48,810 You seem a lot more relaxed today. 595 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:51,430 Yeah, well, I decided I'm not going to let rothwell get to me. 596 00:20:51,460 --> 00:20:53,710 And you know, I'm even feeling a little sorry for him. 597 00:20:53,740 --> 00:20:55,230 Did you hear the financing fell through 598 00:20:55,260 --> 00:20:56,330 on his software company? 599 00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:59,910 And have you noticed how big his butt's gotten? 600 00:20:59,950 --> 00:21:00,710 No. 601 00:21:00,740 --> 00:21:01,740 Okay, last problem. 602 00:21:04,260 --> 00:21:07,910 ♪ Shake your whammy Fanny, funky song, funky song ♪ 603 00:21:07,950 --> 00:21:11,710 ♪ shake your whammy Fanny, funky song... ♪ 604 00:21:11,740 --> 00:21:12,950 All: Shh! 605 00:21:12,980 --> 00:21:14,050 Sorry. 606 00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:18,460 [ No audio] 607 00:21:22,050 --> 00:21:23,020 [ Sighing] 608 00:21:23,050 --> 00:21:24,670 Poor Salem. 609 00:21:24,710 --> 00:21:26,500 Are you going to be okay? 610 00:21:26,530 --> 00:21:28,020 I guess. 611 00:21:28,050 --> 00:21:29,640 With time. 612 00:21:29,670 --> 00:21:30,980 No. 613 00:21:31,020 --> 00:21:32,710 Don't worry, you'll be happy again soon. 614 00:21:32,740 --> 00:21:35,150 Please. Shelley was the love of my life. 615 00:21:35,190 --> 00:21:37,770 What would ever replace her in my heart? 616 00:21:37,810 --> 00:21:39,670 Maybe this'll help. 617 00:21:39,710 --> 00:21:41,770 A giant ball of yarn?! 618 00:21:41,810 --> 00:21:43,770 This is the best ever! 619 00:21:43,810 --> 00:21:44,740 I thought you'd like it. 620 00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:47,840 Like it? I don't even remember her name!